Mistress Bumpy is eighteen, and one of the most terrifying people I have met in the scene.
Mistress Bumpy is the girlfriend of my good friend Miss Margot Rose. I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but I think it has to do with her cherub face and sadistic sense of humor.
I sent Bumpy to the store with a list of ingredients, but had to go and fetch the wine myself, because Mistress Bumpy was only eighteen. When I got to Bumpy’s house, her roommates were sitting on the couch, smoking cigarettes. We walked back to the kitchen and began preparing this refreshing watermelon salad that Bumpy’s aunt taught her while working at a health and wellness retreat center.
- 1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil
- 3 tablespoons fresh lime juice
- 1/4 cup dry white wine
- 2 teaspoons kosher salt
- 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
- One 8-pound seedless watermelon, cut into 1 inch chunks, chilled
- 1/2 pound feta cheese, crumbled (2 cups)
- 1 small sweet onion, cut into 1/2-inch dice
- 1 cup coarsely chopped mint leaves
In a large bowl, whisk the oil, lime juice, salt, white wine and pepper. Add the watermelon, feta and toss gently. Garnish with the mint and serve.